Your Bridesmaid No Longer Your BFF? When to Give Your Bridesmaid the Boot.
by Stacy Dymalski
Anyone who said best friends are forever never planned a wedding. Just because you’ve known your bridesmaids since kindergarten doesn’t mean they all envision your wedding day as the same spectacular event you’ve dreamed of since you were 12.
Ask any Wedding Planner, and they’ll tell you that picking your bridesmaids is one of the most important decisions in planning your wedding. And even though you may feel obligated to choose someone you’ve known your whole life, you should consider the purpose of a bridesmaid before deciding who she should be. First and foremost, a bridesmaid is there to witness the commitment you are about to make to your future husband and to emotionally support you throughout your marriage. So if you’re considering a bridesmaid who A) doesn’t like the guy you’re marrying, B) doesn’t believe in marriage, or C) hates men, you might want to think about giving her some other ceremonial task, like managing the guest book. The last thing you need is a scowling bridesmaid in every picture.
Bridesmaids also help fulfill many of the small jobs that need to be done the day you walk down the aisle. In many ways, your bridesmaids are your ambassadors, representing you to your guests and the people you hire. So if you have a friend who sometimes forgets to show up, has colorful language, or likes to get tipsy at parties and tell embarrassing stories about your childhood, you may not want her front and center at your wedding.
But even with careful consideration, it’s possible to unwittingly pick a bridesmaid who turns out to be a horror show. If that happens, it’s okay to fire her. So where do you draw the line on bad behavior? Anything that resembles the following is just cause for the boot:
1. She misses important wedding-related functions like fittings, appointments, parties, or rehearsals.
2. She’s so wrapped up in the drama in her life (like a break-up, stress at work, problems with her children, etc.) that she can’t focus on her bridesmaid duties.
3. She criticizes every decision you make (but doesn’t offer any realistic options).
4. She tries to take control of your wedding plans. (Remember this is YOUR wedding. Her input is appreciated, but not the final word.)
5. She has a negative attitude about the man you’re marrying (and/or his family).
6. She makes changes to your existing wedding plans (like the seating chart or flower choices) without consulting you first.
7. She takes it upon herself to have her bridesmaid dress altered to include a plunging neckline that would make Britney Spears blush.
8. She refuses to help plan pre-wedding functions such as a shower, hens’ parties, or a girls’ night out. (Or worse yet, she says she’ll plan them, but then doesn’t.)
9. She tells your fiancé about your past 10 boyfriends when you’ve only told him about four (and he’s not impressed).
10. She insists on being the center of attention in any group of people.
It may seem obvious that these bridesmaids must be sacked, but when the culprit in question is your sister-in-law, a favorite co-worker, or a life long friend, guilt can prevent you from making the hard choice. Above all, you have to ask yourself, is my bridesmaid causing me more undue pain than if she weren’t my bridesmaid? If the answer is yes, she needs to go.
So how does one fire a bridesmaid? Start by making a list of her inappropriate behaviors and privately talk to her about each one and why it bothers you. If she’s truly sorry and vows to change her conduct, you might give her another chance. If she becomes defensive, take the high road and let her have her say. When she’s finished calmly explain that you value her friendship and want to stay friends, but that every friend doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid. If she chooses to sever your friendship, then ask yourself, was she really that good of a friend to begin with? Only dear friends want what’s best for you when planning your wedding. And let’s face it, isn’t that who you want surrounding you on one of the most important days of your life?
About The Author: Girl Friday Weddings www.girlfridayweddings.com.au are Personal Assistants and Wedding Planners are located in Sydney, Australia. Specialists in affordable part-planning, they pride themselves in helping out at any stage of the planning process and are particularly apt at assisting the last-minute Bride.